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| Can yall believe I'm a senior in college already? My goodness it feels like just yesterday I left Salisbury and arrived here as a freshman. It scares me to think that in two years I'll have my own classroom and will be in charge of countless young minds. Me? A teacher? Is that what I really saw myself as 4 years ago?
I submitted my graduation application last weekend. Although I won't graduate until Fall 2009, it's still scary for me. I'm growing up.. I'm an adult.
It's weird how at times I rejoice in knowing I'll be done with school, then, for a brief moment, regret that I'll be leaving college. How amazing would it be to be a college student forever and never have to go to classes. 
Ok so I'd NEVER do that, but it's still a fun concept. I think I'm ready to grow up and start my own life. I can't let mom and dad continually define who I am. They are part of me, but I'm a completely different entity.
When I leave Western I know I want to get out of North Carolina, at least go to a bigger city. If I go back to Salisbury, I think I'll end up staying there forever. I can't deal with that right now. I love Salisbury, but I need to see more of the world.
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| Well, today has been eventful, at least for me anyways.
To start my wonderful day off right, I walked down to my 8 am class with something jabbing my butt as I walked down. I thought nothing of it until I realized my blue ink pen had punctured through my bag and had drawn on my jeans. I didn't think it was too major until I went to the bathroom and saw THIS
That's AFTER scrubbing them too! :(
Ok, so we had our first Western Carolina Football game today, and of course, I had to whore out the camera.
Ohh and I got stung by a wasp on my foot and my big toe started bleeding because I stumped it! SAME FOOT! (I didn't post the one with the bloody toe, because it was gross!)
Yes, my foot is ugly and my polished is chipped. Danielle has all my nail polish! SEE THE RED DOT! It hurt :(
Then, at the game, we were given "Bam Bams", these blow up things that make noise. Of course all the drunk kids hit each other with it. (I also got a ton of extras, so I'm totally using them one night on my lame friends!)
Then, I took amazing pictures with my friends! <3
Hayley and Me :)
Danielle and meeeeeeeeee, we're totally twins!!!
AND THEN!
We made mockumentaries of people at school. Mostly, we poked fun at rednecks. :D
Oh here is a picture of one of the redneck guys, please note the dip in BOTH his back pockets :D
SCHOOL SPIRIT!!!!!!!11
Oh and then we had fireworks because we wont like 36 to 0!
Oh and The REAL icing on my cake tonight, we had a fire alarm go off at 12:45am!
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| My dreams keep getting freakier and freakier.
Last night I had a dream that we were at war.I was part of some group
who's land had been taken over. We found our "country's" old plans for
retrieving our castle and land. So as odd as this is, me, I fought with
and against people from my old graduating class of high school. We
either fought, or died. We all dived into a HUGE pool and submerged
ourselves. My group wore diving suits and went deep into the water, and
as I began to resurface because I thought I was running out of air, I
remembered I had a tank. The point of us to dive deep was so the enemy
would use all their ammo at us, but wouldn't be able to hit us. As we
resurfaced, we took their arrows, and threw them back at them like
javelins. As we slowly killed one another, I realized I was one of the
few left. For some reason, this battle all seemed pointless to me, so I
scampered off to the side of the pool with others from my group (we had
more people) and slowly everyone began to die. I even threw arrows at
enemies. I hit one guy, in the neck, and he wasn't dead, but dying
slowly. I felt immediate remorse and started crying, telling him I'm so
sorry for what I've done. He told me it's ok, because he would have
gotten me if I wouldn't have gotten him. Next thing I know, I'm the
last one left alive. And as I emerge from the pool, I get applause from
the audience. At this point I'm crying because of all the pointless
deaths. I sit down at a tent and mom and dad tell me that Claire (my
sister) is on the other side of the pool, with the rest of my side,
planning the next attack. They say Claire is going to find Grandma ....
who I can't believe is fighting in this weird war. I keep thinking they
don't realize how serious this stuff is. I tell everyone I'm done, I
don't want to risk my life like this again, I just want to live. But
they insist I go back since I'm the best warrior. I go back, and
somehow sneak into the enemies side and hide out with some people from
my side and the "enemies" side. We talk about how pointless this war
is. I realize we're being followed, so we go through some hiding points
and somehow end up at a market. We're looking at jewelery and stuff,
when I realize we're in the middle of the battle. Both sides are
running full force at each other so I force my group to lay low in the
ditch while they run around us. After that, we hide in a modern type
mall that is completely empty, where we see another girl, that could
possible help us, but she's being followed by the store manager on the
balcony, then I wake up.
Freaky, eh?
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| Geez! I don't think I like the new xanga at all. What happened to keeping it simple? I may revert back to my livejournal, but we'll see.
Update for my life.... nothing new really. I went to Europe. THAT as a blast.... I made the Dean's list, go me! And I'm on a diet... whats new with that?
Oh I did get my hair cut, but you can't see how cute it is in the pictures, oh well. I sort of miss having long hair, but this style suits me.
Me and Lizzie...
Blurry pictures of the hair.
My digi camera broke. Those were taken with the cell phone. Thank God for camera phones! | | |
| I just don't understand things lately... I don't want to question why God does the things he does or allows things to happen the way they do. I don't understand why my heart is continually broken even when I try not to offer it to anyone. I don't understand why.... WHY I am who I am, or I do what I do. Why it hurts so much to see how certain people treat me, and by people I really mean one person. I don't understand why I keep harping on the same tune and beating a dead horse. Why can't I even get one simple date with someone nice, caring and charming... or heck someone that thought I was wonderful and fun to be with. It's Christmas time and I feel like a hollowed out and empty shell. Where did my warm and fuzzy feelings go? How come I can feel so alone in a room full of people. My heart screams and no one but God hears it. God you love me, why do I have to have these feelings? I know everything you do is for a reason and I also know I'm being extremely childish and selfish. A while ago it was my heart pitter pattering after a friend, but now I know he isn't for me and I think I've known that for a while now... he can't even be a decent friend to me anymore. He makes me feel like I'm dirt or unworthy of his presence. Maybe I drove him to that....who knows. Father... why am I so disastrous in life? I feel like I smile to keep others content, but I don't smile inside anymore, and it really hurts. I feel like I have a knife inside stabbing at the nothingness and void left by actions of others.
I would do anything and love someone with all of my heart if given a chance and if someone could reciprocate love.. Maybe thats my problem, I'm too sweet, too nice, too accessible.
Soooo I really do apologize if you even took the time to read this. I just get so pint up with feelings that if I don't write it out I'll explode.
I'm 21 now. Yay me right? Life was so much simpler when I was 12.
PS: I got all A's and one B' for the semester. (I took 18 hours too!!)
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